I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
you never un-have a 4some
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
