It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize