you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
