Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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