C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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