yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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