They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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