stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
