I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
