Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
