Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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