I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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