Well douche your snatch and let's go!
are you so shy because you have an std?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
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