i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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