for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
is that a dick in a sweater?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
COCAINE IS GR8
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
