I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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