I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
