So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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