i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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