I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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