She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
