this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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