My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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