he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
