i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
please don't ironically join a cult
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