It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
