I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
