So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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