Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
only you would photoshop your dick
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
