This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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