guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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