Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
