Cold hands, warm shart.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
