I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
you made out with another girl for some wings
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize