So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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