Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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