WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Randomize
