You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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