We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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