oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
this beer tastes like vomit already
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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