You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize