He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Randomize
