I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
