I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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