my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
