Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
