I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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