I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
