do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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