So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize
