My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
