Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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