Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
