It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
