Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
