this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
