so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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