I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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