I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
