this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
