I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
