Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
