youre lurking in front of me
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
