I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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