do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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