Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
