why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
