is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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