shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
