I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
