; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize