I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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