i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
what day is it and did you see me today?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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