The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
