make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize